for my relationships with others
Parenting and Personal relationships are supported by this ‘Mother Statement’ we call the credo…
“You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep.
Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance in order to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will try to respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behaviour interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behaviour affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behaviour that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behaviour of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behaviour.
At those times when we find that either of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power or authority to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine – neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace”
Dr Thomas Gordon, Founder © 2006 Gordon Training International
- If you use power in a relationship, you’ll come to have less influence.
- Where possible, modify environment or self to minimise conflict.
- Kids need limits, but not limits imposed on them; rather, limits they choose to set on their own behaviour or limits that are mutually set.